Wednesday, May 25, 2022

Postcard #225: OR Virginity

Hey. I don't know about you but I would totally go see DB sing in Vegas if I could. The first time I was in an operating room was my 3rd semester of nursing school. I remember being led into the OR at this 12 OR community hospital. "Don't touch the blue." I remember the tech handed me her dance card for the first time in my life. She spun and tied herself up I took the card and put it directly into the trash hanging off the field. Contaminating her trash. A concept at the time that was so foreign to me... She had to rip her garbage off the field... I felt so fucking stupid. She laughed and was patient with me.  I then got to observe a case where a vascular surgeon debrided a foot abscess. After washing it out for a minute he placed the pulse lavage gun against the dorsal side of the patient's foot, lifted the foot and shot water through the patient's foot and hit me and a[nother] student with water through the plantar side of the foot. I guess since I found this funny instead of gross it was a good thing.

Sent to another friend and coworker.  I still remember that tech who handed me my first dance card and explained how someone can contaminate trash.  She was an LPN I remember.  B. Bland.  She eventually started working weekends.  I wonder if she is still there or if she finally retired.  I found her here.  She certainly taught me to be patient with first-timers in the Operating Room.  

Postcard #224: squirrel.

I've probably written about this before... But I kind of hate squirrels... It's been replaced a bit by a hatred of moles. But...these rats with furry tails? Eh. Don't get me wrong I'm not swerving at them in my car but I'm not swerving too hard out of their way if they run in front of me. My grandfather used to feed them peanuts out of his hand. I just know how destructive they can be once they get in your house. My old house in NJ once got infected with them at a point in the house that would have required a cherry picker to get at them. BB guns are considered firearms in NJ. Airsoft guns are not. I researched the most powerful airsoft rifle and painful ammo that I could afford. I would sit in my living room, inebriated, shooting them when they poked their heads out of the ceiling drywall. I once littered my yard with pumpkins just to lure them. I was in a dark place. I realize that. None died but harm did reach them.

Sent to a friend and former coworker in Bend.  This is a true story.  The house no longer stands.  It is on the verge of being foreclosed upon.  Did the squirrels win?  I still have the rifle.  Occasionally I will see a squirrel in my backyard doing something it shouldn't sneaking into the chicken coop or eating flowers or veggies.  I think...Tom.  Go get your gun.  And part of me wants to run and go grab it.  But the effort it takes now...makes me feel old.  

Postcard #223: First Round

Everyone is supposed to be straight edge until they are 21. I seriously was... Maybe I did not do the dumb X's on my hands or listen to Minor Threat or the Gorilla Biscuits. (I'm kind of amazed that I remember those bands.) The first bottle of alcohol I bought was a bottle of Kahlua to make mudslides with my then-girlfriend (now wife) a few weeks after my 21st birthday. I had tasted alcohol but I was so afraid of not being in control of my own body or actions... It would give me panic attacks. So I never drank or took drugs. I know now that is a characteristic of OCD. But I've also learned that drinking fixes that. I don't drink as much as I used to.. fatherhood fixes that. Who the fuck has time for that? Get well man I'm glad you are doing better. Much love... And "thoughts and prayers"...

Sent to a friend and coworker who is out sick.  I think the last time I was absolutely obliterated was before I came out to Portland.  We were trying to reduce what we had in our liquor cabinet before we moved and I was attacking bottles nightly.  Sometimes draining the dregs of two bottles or more a night.  There is a video I filmed of my wife dragging me through our apartment by my feet while I laughed hilariously at my inability to function.  I want to say I am not proud of this but it is an event in my life and I am glad I did not require an alcohol detox on my trip out west.  

Thursday, January 20, 2022

Postcard #222: "SAD"



12/8/21 (rainy) 41゚
 I love this time of year. I get to pretend to myself and lie to others that the "gray" that lurks in my head year-round…

Can be blamed on precipitation or Earth's angle in relation to the sun or the clouds in the sky and their color or how much daylight there is or how cold it was that day…

 A fantasy that if my cards are played right, the unweather holds out… I can easily get half a year of self-delusion out of it. 

Sent via postcrossing to Broomstick.

So this person was the latest postcrosser to stress me out.  She doesn't want metered stamps.  She would like postcard artwork but only if it's your artwork... no adult coloring book pages.  I did not even have to look at her wall to know she was some sort of postcrossing veteran who has reached the point in her hobby where she can gatekeep postcarding for other people.  Yeah.  Over 1000 postcards.  Does postcrossing send people an official gatekeeper badge after a certain number of cards sent?
I should not have sent her this card.  
The past 3 cards are over 3 months overdue.  Yeah.  A lot of that is my fault.  90% But...some of that is this person's fault.  Reading this profile and imagining myself as someone whose only way to express themselves might be to color in some adult coloring books...then this bird comes along and tells them their art isn't good enough for her.  
Ugg.  And don't get me started on the stamp thing.  
She actually encouraged me to go and look at my profile to see if I was doing this to anyone.
I am on medication now since writing this postcard.  I am still deluding myself though. 

Postcard #221: Happy


I found these stickers in a desk I bought. I hope to restore it enough to actually use it when I write postcards.

I sat down to write this card with a clear intention to write about something happy.  Something bright and yellow like this postcard. I am simply drawing a blank. What does that mean? It confuses and scares me simultaneously. I am not working today. But I am working tomorrow. I have 3 people I have to write postcards for… I am a week overdue. But I didn't manage to find a card that was yellow and happy. That's more than I have for the other 2 people. One of them is stressing me out but it's self-induced stress. I wonder if I put that sort of stress on other people?  But regardless thank you for asking me to look for a happy yellow postcard. It was an important exercise.

Sent via postcrossing to Ryukin.

To give you some perspective how old these postcards are...the desk I mention here is already fixed.  And up in my gameroom/office.  I am in there right now looking at it.  

Postcard #220: Self Improvement


Conversations with my daughter (3.5 yrs)…. a series

"Daddy?" She asks looking up from an ice cream cone. 

"Yes?" I ask. 

"How are you going to make yourself better?"

I chuckled. I know there are tons of things I could do to make myself better. Read more, lose weight, exercise more. But I was curious. 

"What should I do to make myself better?" 

She mirrored my smile back and said drawing out the first word. "Well… you can go hang yourself in that tree?"

 I laughed… we, laughed. 

 Sent via postcrossing to pawarisa_kang.