Postcard #80: Raccoons
“Raccoons” US-3901014 www.minormumbles.com
RACCOONS (Procyon lotor)
I turned to my wife for answers. She had none. “They are destroying everything, right?” I asked rhetorically as the fatter raccoon pulled a bag of raisins from the lazy Susan cabinet and looked back at us. “Yes, but…” -> “They are intruders…” -> “Yeah…” She said waiting for me to interrupt again. “…in our house”…”Yeah…” She took another photo with her phone. She waited for the one on the counter to look up at us before taking another picture. “What’s to stop me from killing them?” I said feeling the rage swelling in my tense jaw. -> “Well. Me, for one.” -> “No, seriously Sam. What is to stop me from going out to the shed and getting something sharp or heavy and just getting rid of them for good?” -> “They are animals. They don’t know any better. You do.” I’ve been with Sam long enough that she knew I would hate this reason. But it would not be a good enough reason to keep me from using the expensive knives I got her for X-mas. The knives in the block that the smaller raccoon was now using to boost itself into the above cabinets. The big clawed raccoon above was now spilling Sam’s kasha cereal below. The small one lost its balance trying to reach for it. “You are going to make a mess, TOM. You will end up doing more damage to the kitchen or yourself.” She was right. She did have the answer. I should have listened.
Transcribed by jjwood687 on Fiverr.